I am loved,
by Pam Swalve
9/13/07
I’ll never forget the day I met You
My world turned upside down
I couldn’t believe it was true
Alone for so many years
Just my children and me
Amidst all my tears
You brought me joy
Unspeakable
This simple story girl found by boy
For it wasn’t too long ago
I was rejected and pushed aside
Not much was left but my shattered ego
Then Your love lifted me
In a way I couldn’t believe
No longer rejected, now I was free
Free to love and be loved in return
Trusting You with my heart
Knowing I wouldn’t get burned
For in You I see:
Patience, kindness,
Hope and endurance.
But no arrogance, no rudeness,
no boasting, no selfishness.
You never fail
and now neither will I.
I am loved.
13 September 2007
05 September 2007
From "Back in the day"
I found these poems I wrote about love over 20 years ago. But the sadness it brings me is that this is exactly how love has turned out in my life. I wrote my future. It's true that our confessions will come to pass. I am now in the process of rewriting love in my life. Come back next week to see what I expect of love now that I met Jesus, the Lover of my soul.
Goodbye
By Pam Swalve
December 14, 1986
The time had come to say goodbye
And it hurt so bad I wanted to cry.
You behaved like my lover
But now I realized you lied.
All those painful times I cried
And fearful nights I felt as if inside I died.
Your crystal clear blue eyes,
Your loving smile,
Our breathless “play fights”.
They were all just an act weren’t they?
No, please, I really do not care to know.
You’ve offended me in the very worst way!
I trusted you with all my heart,
Now you’ve just done broke it in two.
This just isn’t something I can ignore.
I fear it is burned in my heart forever.
Nothing can ever make this feeling fade.
How could you have lied and made it all seem so real?
December 14, 1986
The time had come to say goodbye
And it hurt so bad I wanted to cry.
You behaved like my lover
But now I realized you lied.
All those painful times I cried
And fearful nights I felt as if inside I died.
Your crystal clear blue eyes,
Your loving smile,
Our breathless “play fights”.
They were all just an act weren’t they?
No, please, I really do not care to know.
You’ve offended me in the very worst way!
I trusted you with all my heart,
Now you’ve just done broke it in two.
This just isn’t something I can ignore.
I fear it is burned in my heart forever.
Nothing can ever make this feeling fade.
How could you have lied and made it all seem so real?
Someday NightmareBy Pam Swalve
Written sometime in the 80s
Someday you’ll leave me, I know this can’t last,
These days when everything is such a blast.
I may become angry someday
And you’ll go off your own way
And I know for sure if that comes true
That someday I’ll need you
I’ll need ya more than before.
You were always there for me,
No matter when, no matter why!
But now you’re leaving and it hurts.
I may have taken you for granted,
But honey I need you more
Than I have ever needed you before.
My someday nightmare of
You leaving me has come true.
Oh I need so bad to have you!
You’re my one in a million,
You’ll always be my number one.
But without you, life is no fun!
I’m walking blindly,
Never seeing.
I’m talking wildly,
Never making sense.
And that’s because you’re not here
I need you now!
It’s true, I need you more
Than ever before.
Come back, make my nightmare go away.
Darling, please, come back to me!
Spoken:
You know I love you
You know I need you
So why won’t you come back?
(resume singing)
My nightmare has come true,
My darling I need you!
Please come back to me!
Written sometime in the 80s
Someday you’ll leave me, I know this can’t last,
These days when everything is such a blast.
I may become angry someday
And you’ll go off your own way
And I know for sure if that comes true
That someday I’ll need you
I’ll need ya more than before.
You were always there for me,
No matter when, no matter why!
But now you’re leaving and it hurts.
I may have taken you for granted,
But honey I need you more
Than I have ever needed you before.
My someday nightmare of
You leaving me has come true.
Oh I need so bad to have you!
You’re my one in a million,
You’ll always be my number one.
But without you, life is no fun!
I’m walking blindly,
Never seeing.
I’m talking wildly,
Never making sense.
And that’s because you’re not here
I need you now!
It’s true, I need you more
Than ever before.
Come back, make my nightmare go away.
Darling, please, come back to me!
Spoken:
You know I love you
You know I need you
So why won’t you come back?
(resume singing)
My nightmare has come true,
My darling I need you!
Please come back to me!
What If?By Pam Swalve
9/20/86
I wonder every night if you think of me at all.
My days are filled with what-ifs and maybes,
But I just can’t seem to do anything about it.
I see you everyday and have the perfect chance,
But I can’t bring myself to talk to you,
Even though that’s what I want the most.
Can’t you realize the way I feel?
Isn’t it there a longing look on my face?
I try to express it, but I guess there’s something that won’t let me.
Maybe it’s your blindness, you don’t seem to care one bit.
That’s why I don’t try as hard anymore,
Your eyes seem to look right through me.
Do you think of me as a friend?
Do you think we could ever become closer?
Are we meant to be or not?
There’s no way this’ll come from my lips,
So I guess this poem will have to do.
For now I am stuck with daydreaming and
Unanswerable questions tearing at my heart.
9/20/86
I wonder every night if you think of me at all.
My days are filled with what-ifs and maybes,
But I just can’t seem to do anything about it.
I see you everyday and have the perfect chance,
But I can’t bring myself to talk to you,
Even though that’s what I want the most.
Can’t you realize the way I feel?
Isn’t it there a longing look on my face?
I try to express it, but I guess there’s something that won’t let me.
Maybe it’s your blindness, you don’t seem to care one bit.
That’s why I don’t try as hard anymore,
Your eyes seem to look right through me.
Do you think of me as a friend?
Do you think we could ever become closer?
Are we meant to be or not?
There’s no way this’ll come from my lips,
So I guess this poem will have to do.
For now I am stuck with daydreaming and
Unanswerable questions tearing at my heart.
My heart hurtsBy a teenaged Pam Swalve
When there is nowhere else to go and no one will listen, I’ll be here. You know I’ve always waited for the chance to help you through ‘cause I’ll be here just waiting to give you the love you need. Others may not understand and try to tell me not to waste my time. But I love you too much to just let you go, so whenever you need me, please come “cause I will still be here. The things we have done in the past will always be fond memories. The good times we had were too good to ever forget. But now you’re gone and I have nothing left. So I guess that’s the reason I want you back so bad. I know we have better times ahead of us. So when you need some loving, just come to me. But now I really don’t know. If I am just going to be yours when you feel like it ~ is it fair to either one of us? Not me ~ I just get to live for when you decide to come back around. And it wouldn’t be fair if when you needed me I wasn’t there for some reason or another. So I guess what I really want to say (oh how I hate this, but) GOODBYE! My heart hurts so much when I think I’ll never be with you again. But I can’t waste my life waiting for you to maybe come back.
When there is nowhere else to go and no one will listen, I’ll be here. You know I’ve always waited for the chance to help you through ‘cause I’ll be here just waiting to give you the love you need. Others may not understand and try to tell me not to waste my time. But I love you too much to just let you go, so whenever you need me, please come “cause I will still be here. The things we have done in the past will always be fond memories. The good times we had were too good to ever forget. But now you’re gone and I have nothing left. So I guess that’s the reason I want you back so bad. I know we have better times ahead of us. So when you need some loving, just come to me. But now I really don’t know. If I am just going to be yours when you feel like it ~ is it fair to either one of us? Not me ~ I just get to live for when you decide to come back around. And it wouldn’t be fair if when you needed me I wasn’t there for some reason or another. So I guess what I really want to say (oh how I hate this, but) GOODBYE! My heart hurts so much when I think I’ll never be with you again. But I can’t waste my life waiting for you to maybe come back.
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